February edition of ‘this month in #kidmin’ where each month we explore the hot topics swirling around the twitter-sphere in regards to Children’s and Family Ministry.

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Featuring:

D6 Conference

JimWidemanClub.com

Thor Ramsey

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Lent Resources

StuffYouCanUse.org

open.lifechurch.tv

WorshipHouseKids

CharacterHealth.com

Let me start this post by going in a direction I don’t really want to go and maybe we can follow up in comments or another post: I don’t believe in counting. I’ve taught my children that Mommy & Daddy won’t wait until 3 or 10 for you to do something (well, rarely). We’ve been a strong proponent of “delayed obedience is disobedience.”

Even if you don’t agree with me on that, I still think you’ll take something away from these thoughts:
With the attitude that they are to obey the first time, it is easy to slip into the idea that they should also get it right the first time. However, their children and will almost never do it right the first time every time and as parents or teachers we shouldn’t expect that they will.

Here’s a place where I struggle: encouraging children when they are close enough (it counts in more than hand grenades and horseshoes).
It is so easy for me to focus on making sure they have completed their homework, put their shoes in the closet, pick up their room, and on and on…

But to celebrate that only a few books are on the floor or that the shoes are next to the closet…or even that school work was started…well, that’s difficult. But it is important.

We want out classes and our homes to be ones that are filled with grace. God doesn’t care if you say “the prayer” the right way, he cares that your heart desires Him. We to should be focused on our child’s heart more than their behavior. In our discipline are we looking for a way to enforce the positive or do we just look to punish the wrong?

During our singing of praise in Children’s church it is easy for me to fall into the “stop talking” mode – but I get far better responses when I praise those that are sining out. Likewise when I say to my son, “wow, you guys got the legos put away, how about picking up your clothes next” the chances of a battle are greatly reduced.

Learning is a process and just about everything that our children do is learning. A clean room looks very different to an adult than to a child…does clean mean everything is not dirty or everything is put away?

This week, encourage kids when they are close enough – after all, it’s more about the journey at this point.

This week I want to continue the conversation about the link between spiritually healthy marriages and spiritually healthy kids.  Last week I shared that I am becoming more and more convinced that the foundation of an effective children’s ministry is a strong focus on strengthening and supporting marriages.  Without that foundation even the most dynamic and excellently run children’s ministry will be significantly hindered due to the home life these kids experience each and every day.

This past weekend I organized a marriage retreat for couples in our church community.  So that my wife and I could fully participate in the retreat I brought in a team of marriage mentors from another local church to facilitate the weekend.  I kicked things off with a prayer and then turned it over to the team.  Because of this I was able to focus on being present with my wife and work on strengthening our own marriage.

If we want to change the culture of our churches it has to begin with us.  We have to model it.  If we want the couples in our church to have healthy marriages, where they have learned how to fight fair and are on the same page with a common mission and purpose then we have to be willing to model the work that it takes to get there.  We have to be open and authentic about the struggles and realities of married life.  We have to be willing to work right alongside other couples.  We have to stop pretending like we all have it under control and help couples realize that our relationship with our spouse never gets to a place where we can stop ‘working’ on it.

If we are not growing together, then we are going apart, relationships are never static.

So it starts with us, which mean modeling healthy schedules, healthy finances, and healthy relationship.  It means modeling what it looks like to intentionally invest in our own marriages. And it means being open an authentic about the hard work that it takes to stay on the same page with a common mission and purpose for our marriage.

In many ways that means with have to change the culture in our churches.  And culture change always begins with leadership.  We can’t change what we don’t live.

What are your thoughts on practical ways to model the importance of healthy marriages in our churches?

KB

In the unexpected seasons of life are the times when God wastes not a moment, a loving lesson, nor a time to show His character to us.  We often don’t like these times and wish them away, but if we could pause to see that every speed bump, detour and closed road has a kingdom building experience waiting for us, it may help.  I’d like to share a couple of stories with you to stir your heart as you enter this unpredictable coming year.

Closed Roads

Headed to spend some days with my family over the holidays we encountered a freeway that was closed.  Closed!  How do you have a closed freeway?  We of course hit the detour button on our GPS which took us seven miles out of our way only to dump us onto the soon closing freeway.  In the middle of the detour, we had some decisions to make as our four children were watching our attitudes and actions.  It made me think about the major financial decisions our church is experiencing where the “freeway was closed down” symbolically speaking.  Our congregation and ministry teams are watching to see our character as well as conduct.  It’s tough to keep it cool when things don’t go as planned while the Lord teaches us incredible lessons about trust and integrity.
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I’m coming off a few weeks where my schedule was crammed full of activity, planning, and more activity. In fact, I’ve had a season where life has simply been full.

This is a guest post by Keith Ferrin.  Keith is a pastor, speaker, and author of the books Falling in Love with God’s Word and Like Ice Cream: The Scoop on Helping the Next Generation Fall in Love with God’s Word.  You can find Keith on Twitter and on his website www.thatyoumayknow.com.

Two Simple Ways to Make Sure Your Kids NEVER Like the Bible

Sarah, Caleb, and Hannah. All three are under 10 years old. All three live in my house. All three have the very real potential of growing up believing the Bible is true…and boring. If your kids grow up believing the Bible is true, is that enough? If they think this “true” book is dry, boring, and “for old people” will the Living Word of God ever be more than just a phrase?

Unless I am intentional (more on the power of that word in another blog post) about helping my kids fall in love with God’s Word – they never will. I run the risk of doing the very things that will cement in their minds the boringness – and irrelevance – of the Bible. So…if you want to make sure your kids never like the Bible, there are two ways to guarantee it:

#1: Don’t let them see you liking it.

This is the one that hits the hardest. We all know the truth of the saying, Our kids do what they see us doing, not what we tell them to do. If you want your kids to stay away from the Bible, all you have to do is stay away from it yourself. Thankfully, the opposite is true as well. If you want them to fall in love with God’s Word, let them see you reading it and enjoying it.

In 2010 I moved my early morning time in God’s Word from my upstairs office (where I prefer to read, pray, and study), to my living room couch. Each morning I would read until my first kid woke up. They would groggily lumber down the stairs, crawl into my lap, and we would sit. Sometimes we would talk. Sometimes not. Sometimes I would tell them about what I was reading. Sometimes we would simply talk about the upcoming day or a crazy dream they had. It quickly became one of our favorite parts of the day.

I didn’t fully realize the power of this early morning time until returning from my last trip. After snowstorms in Seattle and Chicago kept me stuck in the Windy City an extra 46 hours, I landed in Seattle and was greeted with a monster hug from my oldest (now 9). The second thing she said to me (immediately after You can NOT travel for several more months!) was So…does this mean you’ll be on the couch in the morning? I’m not moving back to my office until my youngest moves out!

#2: Only talk about it at church.

Let’s face it. We are an “outsourcing” society. Someone else can do our shopping, clean our house, mow our lawn, or walk our dog. Honestly, I think a lot of that outsourcing is good. I am all for saving time. However, thinking that getting our kids to church on Sunday and youth group on Wednesday is going to guarantee that they like the Bible and love Jesus is a massive mistake.

Here is why. Our kids are connected to everyone and everything that’s important to them – all the time! Between cell phones, texting, Facebook and Twitter (just to name a few) there is rarely a time when they aren’t connected. “Connected” is possibly the single, best word to describe this generation. And yet, the temptation for me is to feel like going to church (and eventually youth group) is making it a priority.

The harsh reality is this – If it’s not relevant on Tuesday mornings at 10am or Friday nights at 8:30pm, then it’s not relevant. There must be conversations at home, over meals, in the car, or walking through the store. We must intentionally (there’s that word again) help our kids connect the Bible to everyday life.

Fortunately, the more I talk with my kids about the Bible, the more they like it. And the more I like it. And the more they bring it up. And that is a beautiful thing!

You can find out more about Keith Ferrin and Like Ice Cream: The Scoop on Helping the Next Generation Fall In Love with God’s Word at www.thatyoumayknow.com.

The longer I work with kids the more convinced I become that the foundation of an effective children’s ministry is a strong focus on strengthening and supporting marriages.  Healthy marriages lead to healthy homes and healthy homes provide the secure base kids need for emotional and spiritual health.

I don’t have Barna certified statistics, just years of watching the same story play out over and over again.  Kids that come from homes where there is marital peace and a common since of mission and purpose do well.  They are more confident, they navigate peer pressure more effectively, and they develop a faith that sticks.

We have all heard that statistics that upwards of 70-80 percent of kids leave the church after High School.  For years I have focused on creating solutions to overcome these statistics, only to realize that I have been treating the symptoms and not the underlying problem.  Kids leaving the church is a symptom not a problem.  It’s like putting a Band-Aid over a cut that needs stitches.  It may make the cut look better, but the cut won’t heal right if not given proper care.

I am beginning to see that one of the reasons 70-80 percent of kids leave the church after High School is that upwards of 70-80 percent of marriages in our churches are in trouble.  Parents live at odds with each other, they lack mission and purpose, or they have given up and settled for divorce.

What are your thoughts on how your Children’s and Family Ministry can help strengthen and empower couples?  What are your thoughts on the importance of healthy marriages and the role the church should play?

Over the next couple weeks I will share some initiatives I have been working on in my church community, I would love to hear any thoughts you might have as we seek, together, to raise spiritually healthy kids.

KB

Where does courage come from? How do we become so courageous that we are able to walk through a season of change?

If courage is the state of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger or pain without fear then it is chosen state of mind.

So what affects our state of mind? Rest, nutrition, focus (what we give attention to in our thoughts), education, whether we start off weak or strong affects our ability to have courage in a situation are some of the things that affect our ability to walk courageously.

Courage comes also from the support of others who believe in you and who is at your side. Joshua was told by the Lord as he entered a new chapter of his life, “Be strong and courageous. Be very strong and courageous for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:6-9) He was not alone.

When was the last time you paused to remember that the Lord your God is with you wherever you go? Are you choosing to have a healthy mind and control what your mind dwells on? Be strong and courageous, the Lord has many things for you to accomplish for Him this year.

If you haven’t surmised it by the series on anger that I’ve been writing over the past month, this is a monster that we battle in our home. Sometimes it’s caused by a lack of order but more often it is a perceived violation of rights. As I wrote last week, each time I attempt to maintain my own control and follow up on issues of disrespect.

As I wrap up this series, I’m drawn to the discussion that I have had with each of my sons at some point after they have chosen to follow Christ. These discussions begin a careful watch over their heart.

Solomon wrote, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life.” (Prov. 4:23) As I met with my youngest we talked about his anger which often grabs control of him – it is an issue of the heart. Anger can gain control and make us do things that we will, even in the moment, say is wrong. But we do have too, a guard, that we can put in place to keep anger out. His name is forgiveness.

Anger can be boiled down to the idea that you are owed something by someone. He hit me so he deserves to be hit back. She wants me to do something so she deserves to also be controlled…and so on. Forgiveness closes the book on this debt. He hit me, but I forgive him. She wants me to do something I don’t want to…but that’s okay, I can do it.

It won’t be easy for him to move anger out of his heart and there will be a constant push to come back…but we have Christ on our side and his bother, mother and I are all there for him when he needs a “heart check.”

What about you, is there a debt that you need to forgive?

Understanding digital learners is the most critical knowledge gap in children’s and family ministry today.

Wow. I think I just summed up what I have sensed for the past 10 years in ministry.  That phrase captures the reason why I started blogging four years ago, the purpose of my ongoing research, and the explanation behind my heart beating so quickly when I get up in front of a group of Sunday school teachers and volunteers to talk about today’s kids.

Understanding digital learners is the most critical knowledge gap in children’s and family ministry today. 

If you are involved in any type of children’s ministry (VBS, Sunday school, Awana, club programs, Sunday morning services), you are in the thick of reaching digital learners.  Discovering their characteristics, tendencies, habits and traits (especially as it relates to media) can bolster your efforts.  In most cases, it will send those efforts into a new orbit.

A great place to start is by reading and reviewing the 2010 seminal report from the Kaiser Family Foundation entitled “Generation M2: Media in the Lives of 8- to 18-Year-Olds.”

The report highlights the following:

• Young people spend 7:38 each day consuming media
• Due to using multiple devices at once and the explosion of mobile tools, total media consumption averages 10 hours and 45 minutes daily
• Two-thirds of young people own their own cell phone, 76% of young people own a portable music device

Generation M2: Media in the Lives of 8- to 18-Year-Olds is a must read for any children’s ministry leader.  Download it, review it, and share your notes with parents and volunteers.

What stands out to you as an action step after reading this research on kids and media?