This Sunday is Mother’s day…but you already knew that.

We’d love to hear you ideas for Mother’s Day – this year my church will be giving hugs and kisses to all the women in our congregation. Maybe I should clarify two points – it’s Hershey’s Hugs and Hershey’s Kisses and yes, all women.

Sometimes it is obvious who the moms are – the ones with kids. But Mother’s day isn’t just about the joyful reminder of your great kids, it’s also a reminder, a painful reminder for all the women who have lost children (and for those that can never have women). For years I’ve struggled with what to about this awesome and painful holiday. My solution has been to acknowledge both with the hope and grace of Christ.

This holiday, as leaders of the Church, let’s not forget the pain of infertility and the pain of loss as we celebrate those special women who gave us life.

Let me start this post by going in a direction I don’t really want to go and maybe we can follow up in comments or another post: I don’t believe in counting. I’ve taught my children that Mommy & Daddy won’t wait until 3 or 10 for you to do something (well, rarely). We’ve been a strong proponent of “delayed obedience is disobedience.”

Even if you don’t agree with me on that, I still think you’ll take something away from these thoughts:
With the attitude that they are to obey the first time, it is easy to slip into the idea that they should also get it right the first time. However, their children and will almost never do it right the first time every time and as parents or teachers we shouldn’t expect that they will.

Here’s a place where I struggle: encouraging children when they are close enough (it counts in more than hand grenades and horseshoes).
It is so easy for me to focus on making sure they have completed their homework, put their shoes in the closet, pick up their room, and on and on…

But to celebrate that only a few books are on the floor or that the shoes are next to the closet…or even that school work was started…well, that’s difficult. But it is important.

We want out classes and our homes to be ones that are filled with grace. God doesn’t care if you say “the prayer” the right way, he cares that your heart desires Him. We to should be focused on our child’s heart more than their behavior. In our discipline are we looking for a way to enforce the positive or do we just look to punish the wrong?

During our singing of praise in Children’s church it is easy for me to fall into the “stop talking” mode – but I get far better responses when I praise those that are sining out. Likewise when I say to my son, “wow, you guys got the legos put away, how about picking up your clothes next” the chances of a battle are greatly reduced.

Learning is a process and just about everything that our children do is learning. A clean room looks very different to an adult than to a child…does clean mean everything is not dirty or everything is put away?

This week, encourage kids when they are close enough – after all, it’s more about the journey at this point.

In the unexpected seasons of life are the times when God wastes not a moment, a loving lesson, nor a time to show His character to us.  We often don’t like these times and wish them away, but if we could pause to see that every speed bump, detour and closed road has a kingdom building experience waiting for us, it may help.  I’d like to share a couple of stories with you to stir your heart as you enter this unpredictable coming year.

Closed Roads

Headed to spend some days with my family over the holidays we encountered a freeway that was closed.  Closed!  How do you have a closed freeway?  We of course hit the detour button on our GPS which took us seven miles out of our way only to dump us onto the soon closing freeway.  In the middle of the detour, we had some decisions to make as our four children were watching our attitudes and actions.  It made me think about the major financial decisions our church is experiencing where the “freeway was closed down” symbolically speaking.  Our congregation and ministry teams are watching to see our character as well as conduct.  It’s tough to keep it cool when things don’t go as planned while the Lord teaches us incredible lessons about trust and integrity.
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This is a guest post by Keith Ferrin.  Keith is a pastor, speaker, and author of the books Falling in Love with God’s Word and Like Ice Cream: The Scoop on Helping the Next Generation Fall in Love with God’s Word.  You can find Keith on Twitter and on his website www.thatyoumayknow.com.

Two Simple Ways to Make Sure Your Kids NEVER Like the Bible

Sarah, Caleb, and Hannah. All three are under 10 years old. All three live in my house. All three have the very real potential of growing up believing the Bible is true…and boring. If your kids grow up believing the Bible is true, is that enough? If they think this “true” book is dry, boring, and “for old people” will the Living Word of God ever be more than just a phrase?

Unless I am intentional (more on the power of that word in another blog post) about helping my kids fall in love with God’s Word – they never will. I run the risk of doing the very things that will cement in their minds the boringness – and irrelevance – of the Bible. So…if you want to make sure your kids never like the Bible, there are two ways to guarantee it:

#1: Don’t let them see you liking it.

This is the one that hits the hardest. We all know the truth of the saying, Our kids do what they see us doing, not what we tell them to do. If you want your kids to stay away from the Bible, all you have to do is stay away from it yourself. Thankfully, the opposite is true as well. If you want them to fall in love with God’s Word, let them see you reading it and enjoying it.

In 2010 I moved my early morning time in God’s Word from my upstairs office (where I prefer to read, pray, and study), to my living room couch. Each morning I would read until my first kid woke up. They would groggily lumber down the stairs, crawl into my lap, and we would sit. Sometimes we would talk. Sometimes not. Sometimes I would tell them about what I was reading. Sometimes we would simply talk about the upcoming day or a crazy dream they had. It quickly became one of our favorite parts of the day.

I didn’t fully realize the power of this early morning time until returning from my last trip. After snowstorms in Seattle and Chicago kept me stuck in the Windy City an extra 46 hours, I landed in Seattle and was greeted with a monster hug from my oldest (now 9). The second thing she said to me (immediately after You can NOT travel for several more months!) was So…does this mean you’ll be on the couch in the morning? I’m not moving back to my office until my youngest moves out!

#2: Only talk about it at church.

Let’s face it. We are an “outsourcing” society. Someone else can do our shopping, clean our house, mow our lawn, or walk our dog. Honestly, I think a lot of that outsourcing is good. I am all for saving time. However, thinking that getting our kids to church on Sunday and youth group on Wednesday is going to guarantee that they like the Bible and love Jesus is a massive mistake.

Here is why. Our kids are connected to everyone and everything that’s important to them – all the time! Between cell phones, texting, Facebook and Twitter (just to name a few) there is rarely a time when they aren’t connected. “Connected” is possibly the single, best word to describe this generation. And yet, the temptation for me is to feel like going to church (and eventually youth group) is making it a priority.

The harsh reality is this – If it’s not relevant on Tuesday mornings at 10am or Friday nights at 8:30pm, then it’s not relevant. There must be conversations at home, over meals, in the car, or walking through the store. We must intentionally (there’s that word again) help our kids connect the Bible to everyday life.

Fortunately, the more I talk with my kids about the Bible, the more they like it. And the more I like it. And the more they bring it up. And that is a beautiful thing!

You can find out more about Keith Ferrin and Like Ice Cream: The Scoop on Helping the Next Generation Fall In Love with God’s Word at www.thatyoumayknow.com.

My five year old was looking at an old 80’s band in a concert on YouTube (ask my husband what that was about!). The audience was crammed up to the stage as concerts usually look like with their hands raised and chanting. “Daddy,” Maxx said, “They’re worshiping the wrong person.” I was amazed how he could discern that in just a couple of minutes. It would be easy to work late every night with meetings and ministry gatherings, but when your kids watch the amount of time you’re at home, would they, after evaluation, know you are worshiping the right person?

Here are some ways to determine what message you’re sending:

• Ask your spouse how you’re doing?
• Check the “joy meter” of your family members. Are they peaceful and happy? Are you?
• Looking at your calendar, are there more family events/times or ministry events. Sometimes quality is not measured by actual minutes spent.
• Are you mentally home when you’re home?

Utilize some steps or tools to get things in order. A yearly Family Action Plan is a way to help your family be in a place of priority. Just as your ministry calendar reflect the ministry goals, make sure your calendar includes family goals. Perhaps choose a theme scripture for your family for the year, or family vacations that will produce the outcome you hope. If you desire to teach missions to your kids, make sure you’re doing something as a family that will instill that heart. Plan time with your spouse. It will benefit your whole family and it also models healthy love and value. While you plan your year, don’t forget simple ways to show your family you care by planning devotional times and time for prayer as a family. It is worth the time invested. Take seriously the goals of your family so you keep your family and Christ the center of your life.

To worship the right person needs to start with the personal relationship with Christ. It’s unfortunate that ministers have lost their family and their walk with the Lord because they have lost balance and begun to worship what they do for the Lord; making it about them. Like a thief, the shock of the brokenness of their family or the grief of a divorce takes place in a blur. No one asks for this. No one plans for this. But somehow the worship transferred from Christ and Christ-like things to themselves. It’s imperative to arrange your time to keep Christ at the center of who you. Studying for a sermon cannot take the place of personal application of the Word to your life. Prayer and intercession for others and the church cannot take the place of listening and talking to the Lord about what’s going on in your life. Regardless of how much you do for the Lord, He wants to have a relationship with you not your deeds.

Many are setting up the ministry calendar for next year. It’s also a great time to reevaluate how your time is spent and what your kids see when they watch your ministry model. Whether you choose to ask the questions, set up your Family Action Plan or increase your intimacy with the Lord, goals are easier to hit when you reflect on them more than once a year. Talk with someone to help you evaluate where you are and hold you accountable to keep Christ and your family in their place. It will be worth it to make necessary changes so you’re kids know you’re worshiping the right person.

Part of our Advent tradition is for me to take each of my sons out for a shopping date. It lets us spend time together, talk to them about the season (and talk about the greed), see what they want, and help them find gifts for others. I also gain a number of illustrations and life lessons from these dates.

This past Friday I was out with my older son. We spent 2 hours at Toys R Us and about twice that at the mall. Although I had a great time, I did hear “Hey, Look” more times that I could count. Each time we went down an aisle we’d stop, “Hey, Look.” On to the next item (yes, item, not aisle), “Hey Look.” For some aisles I would hear this upwards of twenty times as we explored the neat, odd, and many times useless items.

As I thought about our trip this weekend, I realized that “Hey, Look” is really what this season can be about. There are so many things that draw us away from focusing on Christ. Marketing, children, family, church – they are all saying, “Hey Look.” Meanwhile, I wonder if Christ is on the sideline patiently waiting for the season to pass by so we can return our focus to Him.

What are you doing this season to focus on Christ?

I ran across this article this week on sounds that our kids have never heard.  Come to think of it, I’ve never heard of a couple of them – well one of them anyway. My how times are a’changing.  But this isn’t a blog about strolling down memory lane – it’s about things are don’t “fit” in our culture anymore.

What are some things in your ministry to kids or youth that you are using that don’t fit anymore?   I know of hundreds of churches (and I’m sure you do, too?) that are still using technology and other methods to disciple children that don’t make sense.  Just because something is new doesn’t mean it’s bad!  Now, granted, I’m still a parent who doesn’t think my kids need a cell phone until they start driving – and they don’t have an iPod or personal computer – but are there areas in our discipleship of kids where modern inventions can be used?

I’m not just referring to technology, but about our methods as well.  We seem to have stuck our churches into doing things a certain way and to a specific demographic of people.  Are there things that need to change to better impact the future generations?

We meet for services on Sunday mornings, have Wednesday night programs, and various special events throughout the year.  Some churches have responded with adding Saturday night services (and even some Sunday afternoon services), but I’m thinking even more radical than that.

• What about doing away with weekly services and moving to monthly ones?  Then, on the “off” weeks, having families connect to minister to the needs of their community?
• Or how about ONLY meeting once per week for worship and assigning families into gospel community groups for fellowship and being on mission?

God so loved the world that He gave… He didn’t give in the most elaborate and extravagant way, but in a lowly simple setting of a manger and a stable. Often we want the attention and highlight for big ways of giving, yet like Christ, the big impact came in due time. Helping people less fortunate can happen in the same way.

Image by Norm & Debra via Flickr

Before opening gifts in our family Christmas morning we always read the story of Christ’s birth and share how God gave us the greatest gift of all in Jesus. Another friend of mine saves gifts for birthdays but for Christmas they give gifts to the less fortunate. If your family is looking for a different approach to Christmas celebrations, perhaps you’ll find an idea or two that suits your family and community dynamic.

Operation Kid to Kid
Each year an item and a country is chosen by Group Publishing and used to mobilize gifts for whole communities. The gifts are chosen to provide the children’s need. Operation Kid to Kid is tied into a VBS program it is not limited to that tool in order to utilize it to reach kids through the one chosen item for the year’s project like blankets, balls, bags or stuffed animals. You can see pictures and project ideas at Operation Kid2Kid.

Christmas Shoe Box Project
This is an easy way to get kids to provide toys, clothing items, games to children all over India, Africa and Philippines. Kids choose what goes into the box. Learn more on their website.

Other well-known organizations that have a plethora of outreach options such as Samaritan’s Purse, World Vision, Compassion International are also a great place to start with your family outreach this year.

Your family doesn’t need to go through an organization like mentioned above, there are simple ways you and your church can reach the needs of people in your community. Think of the people in your community who don’t get a lot of attention as a place to start with your family Christmas project. Kids in orphanages or in hospitals, elderly in homes and families in homeless shelters are often overlooked in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season.

There are a variety of ways your family can give. Have kids make cards and deliver them to those home bound. Help your kids learn some Christmas songs and sing them at various locations. Consider allowing your kids to go to the dollar store and choose toys to give away. Even if you can’t give the gifts or cards directly you can ask for pictures or stories so your children see the effect of their giving. Secretly sponsor a family in your community so that instead of buying gifts for your family members, they buy gifts for the other family to be opened at Christmas.

Regardless of your family traditions while you celebrates Christmas, this year might be a great year to start a new tradition of giving to the less fortunate.

A year ago I had a vision. (Not the Ezekiel type, more like a day-dream) It wasn’t a grand vision…just simple…practical.  It was a vision of a day when more then 5% of the parents in our church actually used the resources that we provide them with on a weekly basis.

But in this vision thing looked very different from the way they currently look.  Take home papers were a thing of the past and ministry leaders stopped complaining about parent’s lack of commitment because creativity had replaced guilt as the primary motivator for parental engagement.

In 1977 the Atari 2600 started a revolution.  A revolution that has changed the way we look at the world in profound ways.  Games have become the primary form of entertainment in America. Look at television ratings…all the top shows have some sort of game element.

Why is this?  Because we love playfulness and fun.  We love to interact with each other in a game like atmosphere.  When the new couple from church comes over for dinner what’s easier, sitting around answering awkward questions or playing dominos.  It is likely that the content of the conversation will be the same during the course of the night for both situation, but the level of enjoyment will be vastly different. It’s the whole reason for icebreakers at a conference.  It makes hard conversations fun.

So what if we used the gamification of our ministry environments and curriculum to help parents engage in the spiritual formation of their children.  It’s not about dumbing down the content.  It’s about making the content more fun and engaging.

It’s not that we have to convince parents to be good parents.  I have never met a parent that didn’t want to be a great parent.  We are simply looking for ways to make being a great parent more fun.

So we can either look for new avenues for multiplying engagement, or we can just stick with the old stand by…guilt.

Gabe Zichermann believes there are three key components to gamification: positive reinforcement, incentive, and competition by team.  How could we use these components to bring gaming elements into our ministry environments?

What’s your story?

KB

What legacy will we live?

“The greatest legacy one can pass on to one’s children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one’s life, but rather a legacy of character and faith.”

Can you guess who it’s by?  None other than Billy Graham!  Mr. Graham just celebrated his 93rd birthday party.  He’s lived a Kingdom impacting life – both personally and professionally.  The legacy we leave to our children and grandchildren – the only one’s who will likely remember us beyond 10 years after we leave earth – is vitally important BECAUSE it’s ordained by God for the passing on faith.

At the same time this week, in my continuing search for employment, I was considering attending truck driving school to become an over-the-road trucker.  Talking with a few folks in the industry, trying to get a clear picture of what’s all involved, a friend told me (who has driven truck for over 4 years), “You’ll basically be abandoning your wife and kids!”  Powerful words for a guy who desires with every bone in his body to leave a legacy of faith to his family! (Needless to say, I’m not pursuing that option.)

Dr. Rob Rienow in his books Visionary Marriage and Visionary Parenting talks about how his life didn’t show the importance of his family; but that “his ministry” took prominence.  He had nothing else to give to his family after “pouring it all out at church.”  By all accounts, he was successful at ministry; but God brought him to a place of deep repentance and began turning his heart back to his family.

I realize most of you already know the importance of family, but I wonder if we are making decisions that send mixed messages to our family?  Are we putting our ministry visions & passions in front of our own families?  As church leaders, it is possible to do both well; but where is your heart – with your ministry or your family?